this post is one of many for a project i began several years ago, the griffin inquisition. i asked my friends and family to pose questions to me, things they would like to know that would require an essay-type answer.
the most recent essay topic was offered by a fellow blogger.
honestly rank which of these is most important to you: family, love, money, having children, looking good — cristina.
family. i doubt i would’ve lived half as long as i have if it weren’t for them. in fact, i’m quite confident i would not have bothered to get past seventh grade. that was hell, and i’m amazed, even now, even when i’ve blocked so much of it–i can’t remember most of that year, but i can remember, quite well, how i felt–i’m amazed that i got through it.
money. and, more importantly, the ability to be reasonable and responsible with it. because at the moment, i am relying on my family too much for too many things. i can’t support myself, partly because of the jobs i hold and partly because i am lousy at managing my accounts.
looking good. i know. it sounds shallow. it is. but my face and i, we’ve never been on good terms. even as i’m typing this, i’m feeling the wrongness of it. the whole right side is feeling odd at the moment. in most moments, actually. and there’s nothing, nothing at all that i can do about it.
love. i’m so over this stuff right now. last saturday, some guy bought me a drink and then paid for my lunch, which was really sweet. he was nice and passably attractive, and i think pretty intelligent. but my gut told me he liked to drink. too much. and he was sort of stocky, with dirty blonde hair and blue eyes.
the men in my family and most of the boys i knew in school were long and lean (even my father was at some point, though you wouldn’t know this to look at him), so this is what i’m used to, what i prefer. and one of the shuckers was giving me shit about my standards being too high.
so what? i’ve done that whole lowering-them-so-they-appear-to-be-more realistic thing. you know what happened? i felt guilty for not being true to myself. and for not being fair to the guys for whom i’d lowered the bar.
i’ve a preference for dark-haired, dark-eyed men who are noticeably taller than i and built more like swimmers and less like offensive linemen. and i’m rambling because some part of me feels like i have to justify this. i’m not sure why that is. maybe because i’ve heard too many times that i’m too picky. like i don’t have a right to be. also? the boy at the bar? he’d prefer to be in places like montana and alaska, and that, for me, ain’t ever gonna happen. i am not a cold-climate kind of gal.
and, most irritatingly, there’s this small part of me that feels like i should’ve given the guy more credit. probably because i’ve been told so many times that i’m too picky.
anyway … it’s too much work, takes too much out of me, messes with my head WAY too much.
having children. yeah. that’s a no. i’m not built for that.
the last two? i wish i could put them higher. i really do.
cristina is an aggie, living in arkansas, raising one little girl with her doctor husband and expecting a second baby girl soon! her blog, is there a doctor in the house?, is here.