it should be enough…

me: are you okay if i’m in jeans and a t-shirt?
bumbler: yes, i prefer it.
days later…
me: what sort of woman do you seek, and where do i fall short in comparison?
bumbler: you wore a t-shirt and brought a backpack with you on our date. that’s fine, but it doesn’t really suggest femininity or maturity. if we were in college that might be ok, but i graduated college twenty-five years ago. next time, wear something that shows off that great body of yours and have a purse. you are really smart and interesting. i think you just need to work on your packaging/presentation a bit.
me: i asked you if jeans and a t-shirt would be okay, and you said you prefer it. i came straight from work (bumbler lives in elgin–two+ hour drive for me), so i had some time to kill. i brought some work with me while i waited for you.
bumbler: [dead silence]
yall? i’m done. D O N E. and it breaks my heart a little to say that because the lifeline for me in my youth when i was struggling to live was that one day, some day some dude was going to really see me and not the crappy packaging. and i know now that’s not going to happen. that i’m really smart and interesting should be enough. it SHOULD, but it isn’t.
pray for me, will you? because my heart… my heart…
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Categorized as grief

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