one of my oldest friends, a girl i’d met not long after my family had moved to conroe, had mentioned a few weeks ago that she was participating in a bible study. i’d done a couple of these with her in the past, though i’d never completed either of them because they didn’t speak to me.
this time we’re doing priscilla schirer’s the armor of god, and i am loving it so far. i was going to share with yall the reactions i’ve had to the text but decided against it because, for the moment at least, i’d like to keep them somewhat private. i’ve shared some of them with my mother and some of them with the others in our study’s small group of women.
the other day, we were doing prayer requests. and when i’d said mine, one of the ladies immediately jumped in with a passage that had helped her — she could recall the sentiment, but the not the place in the bible, and so there was a few minutes debate of whether it was phillippians or corinthians or maybe… but eventually they found it. phillippians four: eight. i loved that she was so quick to think of it. that others were so quick to help find it. i’m putting it here so i can hang on to it. kind of like when minn (i miss that lady. SO much. damn i wish she were here. today is one of those days i’d be on her doorstep, seeking her wise and kind counsel.) shared with me her beloved psalm forty.
i will share, however, one bit with you from that study. we’d talked about how the devil works his magic so that we see what he wants us to see. he’s damned talented at that where i’m concerned. i look in the mirror and instead of seeing the fantastic complexion, for example, for which i am so frequently complimented (my skincare regimen, in case you’re curious, is washing with dove pink once, sometimes twice a day — depending on whether i’d worn make-up, the incredibly rare use of cosmetics, the sporadic use of olay regenerist advanced anti-aging cream cleanser and the infrequent, though liberal, application of aveeno’s skin relief twenty-four moisturizing lotion… that’s it), the way my face feels to me distorts how i view my reflection, and if i’m depressed or haven’t slept well, i’m more likely to notice the palor, my hair has more grays in it than it did the other day and could use a good washing, my eyes are drifting more than usual, my chin is way too pronounced, my neck’s gotten fatter… whatever. so i see that instead of the good. i see what my peers made sure i saw in my youth, and my psyche, under satan’s influence, echoes those sentiments, which, of course, robs me of any confidence i might have because how can i, a girl so far removed from beauty, ever hope to have a beautiful life?
this is what his influence does.
i keep thinking of those words from me before you… that hashtag. #liveboldly. that is not a thing i know to do. i, an aries. bold is supposed to be my business. my m.o. but far too often i cower in the corner and feed on scraps instead of ramming my way to where the sustenance is. because i’ve been telling myself for years, that’s for the pretty ones. you’ve to wait your turn. you should be content with what you’ve been given.
the study urged us to pray for vision and to seek the light, to use the truth of god’s word. so that is what i am praying for… better highway vision so i can choose the right paths. and if you’ve got a prayer to spare, i sure could use it. thanks.