the things i tell myself

this was written in the middle of cutting a significant number of pages from my manuscript, after several negative interactions with men who had expressed an interest in getting to know me. i can’t for the life of me figure out why the hell you want a man. you can’t care for one. you’ve no… Continue reading the things i tell myself

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a room without windows

my mother says that i am the strongest woman she knows. she is not the sort of woman who is biased where her children are concerned. she could tell you, with absolutely no effort or remorse, of every flaw and failure in her sons and daughter. she would have no trouble doing this. none. she… Continue reading a room without windows

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today’s a fucking ugly day

(yesterday… the twenty-seventh) pardon the vocabulary. if you’ve read picky before, yall know i can be crass like that. the therapist is putting me on meds. i am kicking and screaming because they kill my creativity. but living with the crazy right now is killing any love i have for life.  so tomorrow… i go… Continue reading today’s a fucking ugly day

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i think… therefore i’m single

yesterday was the wonder twins’ seventh birthday. SEVEN. how the hell did that happen? why, WHY can’t they stay little for a little while longer? gah. i had two errands to run before the party (which was at little beakers in oak ridge north, which is pretty danged nifty, yall… you local folks should totally check… Continue reading i think… therefore i’m single

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days like these

there’s an elderly man who volunteers as a crossing guard at one of the schools here in the area. he’s in his eighties, i believe, and has terminal cancer. he won’t live past the summer. the staff at the school are throwing him a retirement party tomorrow. i know about this because a woman called… Continue reading days like these

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descending… again

i haven’t wanted to write about this. i wasn’t going to. i’ve been trying for the past few weeks to distract myself: i left texas for a long weekend in the deep south; i spent several days immersing myself in dickensian london to reacquaint myself with some of my favorite characters; i’ve worked; i’ve played;… Continue reading descending… again

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sucker punches

i got pulled over tonight. a friend and i saw the hundred foot journey, which is amazingly good and lovely by the way. it’d been a good day. i got a pedicure. i played my best game of hearts today. i had a good day at work. brio’s had italian wedding soup (this is not always… Continue reading sucker punches

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fifty different reasons

six weeks or so ago, i wrote a post called fifty reasons to live. i reread it a lot, especially when i’m sad and lost and lonely and tired and… like today. today was not a good day. nothing happened to make it bad. nothing has to. that’s why it’s bad. because… nothing. i feel like… Continue reading fifty different reasons

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t is for try, try, try…

so this evening, while working on the character bios for reese and seth, i was polling the servers and bar staff for suggestions (because the way it works for me is that i’ll grill people for things like biggest regret or college majors and the like, and when someone says something that makes sense, i… Continue reading t is for try, try, try…

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j is for jenny

i was jenny when i was little. i didn’t mind it, but there was a point i preferred jenn… we moved to conroe when i was ten. for two years prior, i’d not had many friends. in louisiana, there was charlotte. in new mexico, there was monica and kiersten. but mostly, i played by myself.… Continue reading j is for jenny

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